Blog? Who Me?

So, I've been neglecting my blog...AGAIN.  Who is surprised? No one, I am sure.


Things have been going....okay.  As well as can be expected, really.  When people ask Forest how we're doing he replies with a cheerful, "Great!" and I scowl and say "Speak for yourself.  I am 'okay', I am not 'great'."  I have days where I'm happy - I can laugh and joke and do fun things.  And I have days where I'm inconsolable for "no reason" - meaning, I can't point my finger at why I feel like running away and rolling up in a ball and crying - and I the only thing I can point to is that a part of me, of Forest, of US is missing.  Jack is gone and we will never know him on Earth.  And that's enough to make me roll up in a ball and cry for awhile.


In exciting news, Weight Watchers is going swimmingly.  I have lost 12.6 pounds, which is very neat.  I met my 5% goal and, when I was doing Weight Watchers last year, I said I'd get a pedicure when I got to 5% (which I didn't get to that time, but this time is different!).  I plan to get that pedicure next week and I just might post a pic (we'll see how cute they can make my grown-up-sized-baby-feet look with a bit of polish!).  It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier to do Weight Watchers with Forest.  He is doing great as well - he has lost 13.4 pounds.  He was shocked to find that he was at 238 lb when we joined - he thought he was about 215!  He wants to be at least 190 by the time his son (Forest IV) gets married in October.  I'm sure he will succeed - after all: he has a very supportive wife :)


In other exciting news, I started my period!!! All by myself!!!!  Just 37 days after the miscarriage.  I called the RE and got on the schedule for an FET in June (WOAH!).  I will start BCPs when I start my next period (which will *hopefully* be in just 3 weeks, if my ovaries decide to play nicely).  That's some progress, huh?


We will do a single embryo transfer because I don't want to chance multiples on my ridiculously incompetent cervix.  I have been doing a lot of research about IC and I was surprised to read that one factor that may indicate risk of IC is having a short labor.  I used to think that the fact that I was in labor with Katie for 3 hours and 47 minutes total (from contraction #1 to "It's a Girl!", and that included my contractions stopping altogether for an hour after they gave me the epidural I didn't want and they had to start pitocin to get them going again) meant that my body was super AWESOME at having babies.  I also thought that the fact that I got pregnant with Katie the only time I ever had unprotected sex meant I was all SUPER FERTILE and stuff, so - you know - I don't always draw accurate conclusions.  Because, in actuality, a <4 hour labor for a first time mom is pretty abnormal, and, actually, a risk for something horrible.  Who knew?


I have certainly learned a lot on this infertility journey.  I think I am better about being grateful for what I have and not taking things for granted.  I *hope* that I have stopped saying insensitive things around people with no thought for what kind of painful journeys they might be on.  For example, I know that I once bragged about being a "Fertile Myrtle" (GEEZ - I cannot tell you how much I hate that saying now!) in front of a co-worker who was going through her 3rd round of IVF in private.  I try very hard to be sensitive about things like that now.  Not just infertility, but anything.  You never know what struggles someone else is dealing with and how the uncaring things you say might sting their hearts.


Anyway, that's what's going on with me.  Thank you all so much for your kind comments, thoughts, and prayers.  I feel truly blessed to have you guys in my life (and, yes, I know that I could be a better friend by being a better blogger, and I WILL TRY).


Love,
Amy

Questions from a Sleepy Regulatory Affairs Associate

Does being tired count as "sick" for purposes of saying, "Boss, I'm sick. I need to go home so I can lie down."?

Do you think I'm tired because I am Oh-So-Very-Knocked-Up?

Can you make peanut butter spicy?

I should blog

I'm so uninspired!

I know my blog is silly and boring and goofy. I promise that I'm actually a good writer in real life. I even sort of do it for a living, actually. But my fellow bloggers are so witty, eloquent, consistent, edgy, sweet, and funny, I can't possibly compete!

Oh well.


But I do have updates!

1. I have a 5 cm cyst on my right ovary.  Apparently ovaries themselves are only about 5 cm in diameter, so I have a cyst on my ovary the size of my...ovary. That's no fun.  I'm having it aspirated through an obligatory giant needle through the wall of my vagina (who doesn't love that?) on October 22nd, which is also...
2. The day my baseline ultrasound is scheduled before starting the stims for IVF #2.  Lucky for me, the doc will be viewing my lining directly through a hysteroscope, so I can forego the actual wanding that day. 
3. My last post that confusingly indicated that I would have egg retrieval on November 2nd was slightly off...you may have also wondered how on Earth they could schedule an egg retrieval in advance (I know I did).  It turns out that the scheduling girl was just exaggerating.  Apparently they have "cycles" at this clinic where they separate patients into groups to all "cycle" at the same time.  Basically, the egg retrieval will be sometime after November 2nd. 
4. I ordered all of my meds today which are apparently coming from a super fancy fertility pharmacy on the East Coast.  Last time I got them at Walgreens, but this clinic seems to think the med procurement process should be super fancy...so...whatever.

So that's all I've got.  Not particularly eloquent, witty, sweet, edgy, or any of the other stuff all the good blogs are, but at least I finally threw something out into the blogosphere.


Yay!

Why do I slack?

So...I am crazy swamped at work. Like, super freaky waaaaay behind/don't know how to get caught up/more and more and more work piled on each day. I came into work today (Saturday). I got here at around noon. It is now 5 pm. I have been here for 5 hours and I have done NOTHING. Literally nothing. Well, I've read a lot of blogs and boards, but NO work. Why do I do this? What is up with my self-desctructive choices? Why did I put 100 miles on my car today and spend hours away from my husband and laundry and bills to come in here and get nothing done? Am I afraid of success? Do I secretly thrive on drama, misery, and stress? If my husband reads this, he will go through the roof! I need someone to kick my a$$ and tell me to GET TO WORK! Anyone want to send some tough love my way?

A Happy Period

Duuuuuuuudes - I started my period!!! This is like, late-breaking information. I just found out myself about 45 seconds ago. 


Why am I so excited? Well, if I updated my blog more you'd probably all remember that my IVF cycle starts when I START MY PERIOD! Which, I'll say it again, I just did! I'm so happy! Also, we had IVF orientation today, so that's one more thing out of the way. I didn't learn much (due to my wicked hot internet researching skills) but Forest got some tips about giving injections which should make us both a lot happier at PIO (progesterone in oil) time. 


So, I'll be updating more regularly now, since I hopefully have something to talk about. I'm going to try to create a fancy timeline to keep my vast readership on track with the happenings (yes, I'm being sarcastic about the vast part, but I love all of you who actually are reading). Keep in mind, I often make promises about creating really fancy, cool stuff and then never do. It's a habit I have...