8w2d: Ultrasound #3 - Now With Pictures

First of all, thank you so much for all of your comments and support. You guys are the awesomest!


We just got home from my 3rd ultrasound - the first one with my regular OB.  

The good news: both babies have great heartbeats.  Baby C1's is 158 and Baby C2's is 155.  Both sacs look great. They're very round - apparently a "banana shape" is a bad thing, and we don't have that. Baby C1 measured 8w0d and looked huge.


The not-as-good news: Baby C2 is even more behind now, measuring 7w2d.  Dr. S is not concerned. She said that they don't get concerned unless they measure more than a week apart. Baby C2 is just in a super awkward position, they say.  It's like she's at a 90 degree angle to Baby C1 and it seems like they're always looking at her from the end.


So, I'm still worried. Of course.


Next up: see an MFM. They are supposed to call me by Tuesday and set up an appointment.  If they don't schedule something for the week of August 2nd, I can go back to Dr. S for another ultrasound that week.


On my referral to the MFM, Dr. S wrote 4 risk factors:

1. IVF - twins
2. History of pre-ecclampsia at delivery
3. History of delivery at 16 weeks after premature rupture of membranes, possible incompetent cervix?
4. MTHFR - homozygous

So, we'll see how the MFM wants to handle all of that.  To cerclage or not to cerclage?  

Once again, time will tell. Ugh. Waiting. Not my strong suit!

Worry

I am worried about Baby C2.  I know it's dumb. I don't have any more reason to worry today than I did on Friday, but the doubt has creeped into my happy thoughts nonetheless.  I am trying to keep those "positive thoughts only" going strong, but, for some reason no apparent reason, today I don't feel so optimistic about little C2.

It may be because Katie has started telling people IRL that we're having twins. This makes me wish we'd waited to even tell her for a few more weeks until we could see how little C2 is doing.  Katie has actually been a huge proponent of waiting to tell people.  With Jack she chastised me for telling people so soon. But this time, most of the people IRL who know (16 at last count) she told.  I got an e-mail from the mom of one of her friends congratulating me and offering prayers. Of course the prayers are welcomed and very thoughtful, but I'm just not ready for the word to be spreading like this. 

All of the moms on her dance team are bound to know within short order and I don't feel comfortable with that. I think this is because they were all at the dance competition where we lost Jack. The next week, the Coach asked Katie what they could do/make for us and Katie told them that I love desserts (which is, uhhhh, true enough and all...). The Thursday after the miscarriage the girls were performing at a basketball game.  Forest had class that night, so I was there by myself and no one sat by me.  At one point I almost started crying in the bleachers (or, I probably actually did start crying in the bleachers, now that I think about it) and I felt like an outcast.  After the girls perform at halftime, the dance team moms generally make their way to the auditorium where the girls have all of their stuff.  There is generally picture taking and merriment. As I was walking out of the gym, one of the moms (who I had never actually talked to before) said (extremely bluntly), "I can't believe you're here tonight."  Uhhhh. Okay. Sorry. I guess I should have just sent my daughter to the game alone!?!?!? I don't even remember what I said in response. Probably something like, "Yeah. It's hard" or some crap. So I walk into the hallway and the girls all run toward me, placing bags of brownies, cupcakes, and various other snack items in front of me.  It was very thoughtful and sweet, but also pretty overwhelming and awkward. I felt like all of the moms and the coaches were watching me intently, waiting to see me cry.  That whole time period was very hard, obviously. I guess I just have some lingering weird feelings about the dance team moms. I can just imagine the ripple of gossip that went through when the girls learned (and then told their moms) I was expecting Jack (there really aren't very many expectant mothers of Sophomores in high school...at least not at Katie's school!), and then when I lost him. And now I'm imagining the ripple of gossip again. It just makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why - they are generally nice people (except that one tacky, blunt one). I guess I just picture this round of news ("Katie's mom is having twins!") and then imagining the horribleness of a theoretical next round ("One of Katie's mom's babies died") and it just makes me feel sick. If that does happen, I definitely hope they don't bake me anymore Festive Condolence Cupcakes and shower me in other Grief Snacks, because that was weird.

Oh well. Well wishes should only make me feel better, not worse.  I hate feeling this way. I just want to enjoy Baby C1 and Baby C2 every second they are with us.  That's what I need to focus on.

Is it Friday yet?

Betas

Sooooo...


My beta on Wedesday at 6dp5dt (11 dpo) was 18 and on Friday at 8dp5dt (13 dpo) it was 40. So that is very good!!!! Unfortunately the cute beta graph that everyone else has doesn't start until 12 dpo, so I can't really get my line to appear on it, but, from what I understand, those numbers are nearly perfect for a singleton pregnancy.


So, of course, we're very excited.  


When I got the BFP (gosh, I still can't believe a get to type "I" and "BFP" in the same sentence!) on Tuesday I was soooooooo excited - I told a ton of people.  I told my co-workers Eliza, Julie, Shawn, Brian (who told additional co-worker Jonathan), Jan (who didn't know it was a "secret" and started talking about it somewhat loudly in my very quiet open office), and Ed. I told Katie, my friend Kim, my sister, the blogosphere, and my old friends from my very first "TTC" board (we were the "TTC Spring/Summer 2007" crew. This BFP has been a LONG TIME COMING).  


So that's a lot of people to tell that you're five minutes pregnant.  Not necessarily wise, right? But I was FREAKING EXCITED, okay?  Plus I was 0% worried.  ZERO PERCENT.  I just felt like I am totally pregnant now and on July 31, 2010 I am totally bringing home a perfect, healthy baby.  I put a floating baby widget on my freaking blog.


Forest has since told his boss, all the co-workers in his immediate group (who are also pretty much my co-workers since we work at the same company), a bunch of other co-workers (including one woman to whom he announced it when we ran into her at a restaurant), and some friends he went out with last night.


On Thursday I started to get nervous.  I called for that first beta result and when it was an 18 I got scared.  That sounds soooooo low.  Most betas I hear are much higher than that.  Of course, I know most clinics don't test at freaking 11 dpo, but still. 18?  I started getting upset when Forest would tell people.


Then I got the 2nd beta: 40 and that should totally reassure me, right? It's the perfect number for 13 dpo...but the doubling time was 41.67 hours, whereas the mean for that range is, like, 31...so...you see where this is going...


DOUBT.


I am now just like every other infertile who finally achieves pregnancy: I am worried.  When I was pregnant with Katie I never ONCE worried I would miscarry. I didn't take multiple HPTs - I got one positive and never doubted again that I was pregnant.  I try to reassure myself with that.  I try to reassure myself with all kinds of things, but it's not working too well.


Then, last night, I was walking back from going out for drinks (my drink was iced tea, don't worry) with two co-workers (to whom I also announced my pregnancy) after an all-day off-site meeting, when my heel caught on a cobblestone and I twisted my ankle and fell on my butt (hurting my pride most of all, although my ankle is all swollen and bruised).  Forest's reaction? "You can't be falling down!!!"  Mmmmm Hmmmm. Thanks, babe. I didn't exactly do it on purpose!  But, of course, I was already worried that my fall had popped our precious baby right out of my uterine lining.  Yes, I know that's silly - I have pretty short legs - a fall to the ground really isn't very far - but still.  Worry.


Forest has promised not to tell any more co-workers who work at my office (I told him he could still tell people who work at his location).  I haven't decided whether I'll tell the rest of my family at Thanksgiving or Christmas.  


My first ultrasound is December 2nd.  That's not too far away, right?  Surely I'll feel reassured after that, huh? Deep breaths (and no more heels/cobblestones) till then.