Two More

Two more POUNDS that is! Actually, 2.2 pounds...because the Weight Watchers scales are that precise. Although I don't think their accuracy really supports reporting results to that precision (because my sister weighed 0.2 pounds differently on 2 different scales sitting right next to each other - we call that reproducibility), but that is just the analytical nerd in me talking!

So my new number is 213.2!

Can you believe I weighed 221.8 only 2 weeks ago?!?!?!?!?!? YAY! Speaking of being a nerd, my daughter (formerly an anti-nerd) has fully embraced her inner nerd over the last month or so. We started playing Dungeons and Dragons (I know! How nerdy!) because it was a dream of mine since Junior High when the boys in my neighborhood wouldn't let me play (pouts). I was chatting with a new co-worker a couple of months ago and he mentioned that he plays and I begged (BEGGED) him to let me play. He explained to me that established groups don't typicaly like to take on newbies (double pout), but he said he would DM (be the Dungeon Master for) my very own group. So, I had to recruit people to do it with me, becuase, really, there aren't that many people around clamoring to play D&D when you're 32 years old...(not, at least, in my experience). This meant that I had to coerce Forest and Katie to play with me. Katie's friend Grace was ALL FOR IT (she has a Geek Streak, luckily) and they invited their friend Mitch from school. So that is our little band of nerds :-) 


Then there's Star Trek. Katie was formerly very dismissive of Star Trek...until she saw the new movie and became smitten with Spock (how cute is that!?). Now she's seen the movie twice, is listening to the audiobook, begged me to go to Burger King so she could get a Star Trek action figure (she got Spock!), and made Spock her computer backdrop. Then, yesterday, she watched 5 episodes of The Big Bang Theory we had saved on the DVR. I think the nerd transformation is complete, don't you? 


Anyway, 2.2 pounds is my progress for the week. I don't think that quite merits a reverse belly pic, but when I get to my 5% goal (only 3 more pounds to go!) I am rewarding myself with my very first pedicure and I will post a picture of the 210 pound me with pretty toes (er...at least with painted toes...it would take more than a pedicure to actually make them pretty). Caio, bellas!!!

Not Exactly a Reverse Belly Pic

Last time I suggested that I would post reverse belly pics so that you could see my progress on la diet. I have not really taken any yet, but I thought I could post this video and it can work to demonstrate my "before" state and also my silliness state, to dispel any thoughts that I am a serious and reserved girl (this is a repeat for anyone who knows me on Facebook).

If you're not familiar with what we are doing, it is from the Cutest.Show.Ever. (The Big Bang Theory):

So...that's my post for the day. Hope you enjoyed it!

Weigh In Results

Thank you guys so much for your encouraging words in my comments!!! It means so much to me to have your support!

I was really excited about my Weight Watchers meeting this week and bummed that I had to wait an extra day because they were closed yesterday for the holiday.  I knew I'd have a good number because I could tell I've lost.  Are you ready for this???

215.4!!!!!!

I lost 6.4 pounds!

I am so proud of me :-)

Also, I started my cycle on Sunday. It was 37 days long.  That's not so bad. So far this year I'm just happy I've had my period each month.   

Maybe this weight loss thing will turn things around. It certainly can't hurt, right!?!?!? I'll keep you posted!  

Maybe I should post reverse-belly-pics??

A quickly-like update

Because my aforementioned shiny new genius doctor has convinced me that losing some poundage is seriously in my best interest and the existence of my adorable future babies virtually depends on it, I have joined Weight Watchers.

Tell me your proud of me...for serious!

My sister and my friend Amanda joined with me, so I have, like, a support group and everything! And Jen, per your comment, I am WAY ready for an eating healthy buddy so that I can be WAY ready to be belly buddies with Tricia (Wow. It's been a long time since I said "belly buddies").

So in addition to being accountable to my sister, my friend, and the whole Weight Watchers organization, I am also going to be accountable to you, blog friends. My starting weight on Monday was 221.8 (I know. Ouch.). But since you know I rock 221.8 pounds, I am not afraid to share this with you who love me anyway. I will post my (hopefully spectacular) updates each week.

In cycle news, I am a week late. Not that this means anything for a girl like me. I will test tomorrow* in case a miracle happened.

Cheers! Love you all!

*ETA: BFN Wednesday morning. But that's okay. Maybe next month!

Should I blog about this?

Well...today I officially kicked Hott George to the curb by moving on. I saw my new genius doctor this afternoon. She is very smart and I like her. HOWEVER. She doesn't want to do get pregnant stuff with me. She thinks I need the expert services of an RE since I have "so much going on". We did the well-woman thing and she said that I should make another appointment if I want to:

1. talk about PCOS management
2. get on OCs to regulate my cycles
3. have her provide OB services for the baby that I am magically going to conceive on my own after following her brilliant advice*

The highlight was that I got two (that's right TWO) vaginal exams for the price of one! Genius Doctor was training a Physician's Assistant and, as someone who has had countless people checking out her bejingo over the last year, I was more than willing to let her palpate my uterus. Good times. 


* For the first time, a real-life doctor person told me to EXERCISE my fat ass and lose 10% of my body weight. After which my ovaries might just spontaneously decide to play nice. So, since she is a genius and a doctor and I like her...I am going to try. I'm sorta kind of back on the horse, I guess. Or maybe I'm just looking at the horse, kind of walking around it...wondering if I should really get back on or not. Last time the horse threw me off the back and sort of kicked me a few times and then kicked dirt on me, so, I'm still on the fence. So...uh...wish me luck!!!

No need for hope

I "hope" I didn't keep anyone in too much suspense....of course I am not pregnant. And there's no AF...so my body has NOT decided to spontaneously fix itself and start ovulating like a good little body. So I guess my ovaries got wise to my reverse psychology and are showing me who the bosses are (them).

In other news...I have no other news. I just wanted to give a tiny shout out so that no one thought I was just too deliriously happy celebrating my BFP that I couldn't take time to post.

Dare I hope?

I have been reading such wonderful news from so many of my fellow bloggers! Even though I am a pretty crummy blogger myself and a not much better commenter, I follow EACH of the blogs on my blogroll religiously.  

So many are currently in the TWW: Sharon, Dawn, Leslie, and Jill, ('tis the season for IVF, I guess!) and I am praying for positive outcomes for all 4 of these wonderful ladies.

We've gotten great news from Lea (of the two pink lines variety)! Cindy is preparing herself mentally and financially for her VERY QUICKLY APPROACHING IVF cycle! 

It's exciting times around here!

All this is making me feel...dare I say it?...hopeful during my own little non-medicated TWW over here.  I have reason to believe that I might, once again, have ovulated this cycle (although I'm still using reverse psychology on my ovaries: they are totally not reading this post) and I am allowing myself to be optimistic about my body's very own ability to do its thaaang.  I know this may all end in another meltdown a la last month, but, for now: I am in the TWW like a "normal girl" and I am lovin' it.  I might actually pee on a stick next Sunday...

Thank you for all of your support.  You guys are da bomb (in a good way...like a bomb of awesomeness).

ETA: Jill got her awesome, awesome BFP!!! YAY JILL & ALEX!!!!!

A few days from normal

I've decided that all I want now is to have normal cycles.  I'm over the whole "getting pregnant" part of having normal cycles - I just want to ovulate in the middle - that's all I want.  I swear. 

This past Monday I had a major (in)fertility meltdown.  I had been rolling along, trying to keep a positive attitude about the sack of lemons life has handed me.  I've been trying to get to that elusive "acceptance" stage.  Perhaps, I've been trying to use reverse psychology on my ovaries and tell them "I don't even WANT a baby! I want to keep sleeping in on the weekends and use my disposable income to travel, buy cute outfits, and spoil Katie.  So piss off, ovaries!" 

But, a couple of weeks ago, on Valentine's Day weekend, no less, I felt like I was (Shhhhh! Don't tell my ovaries) OVULATING.  Like, for serious, right there on CD 14.  So - not wanting to jinx it or anything, I continued telling my ovaries that I don't even want to be pregnant.  Then, last week, I started to have PMS SYMPTOMS! Can you believe that?!?!?! Like a normal girl!  I thought that on Monday I was actually going to start a new cycle.  Just TWENTY-EIGHT DAYS after the last one!!!!  I was so excited to have tender breasts and a BITCH.ASS.ATTITUDE. because it meant I was normal!

Of course, all of this normal-cycle-hope did me no good.  Monday came and went with no visit from my eagerly anticipated Aunt Flo.  Suddenly all of the emotions I've been pushing down, burying behind happy smiles and self-deprecating (but light-hearted) comments spewed out of my eyes and onto my pillow as I sobbed hysterically while my OBLIVIOUS husband tried to go to sleep. Ce n'est pas bon.  I started one of those knock-down, drag-out fights with Perfect (Sleepy) Husband wherein I kept leaving to sleep on the couch, then coming back, being hysterical, crying inconsolably, saying all manner of things I didn't mean, and generally being a hormonal be-yotch.  I just kept saying (read: sobbing, blubbering), over and over, "I just want to be normal".  It wasn't pretty.  Nor were my big, puffy eyelids all day on Tuesday.  Poor, sad, infertile, defective Amy!

But, miracle of miracles, Wednesday night I started spotting!  Official CD1 was Thursday, meaning that this past cycle was 31 days long.  And that's just a few days from normal, right? 

A random update from your friendly infertile, Amy

Hello, blog friends! How's it going? I decided to post tonight because I'm in a good mood. Forest and I discovered Geocaching. Do any of you do this? It's a neat concept, but I am extraordinarily bad at explaining it. You use a GPS to find co-ordinates that other people post on a website (www.geocaching.com) where they hide a container with a log inside that you sign. See? When I describe it it sounds dumb - but it was actually a lot of fun (we just got back from our first adventure).

Anyway, I am also in a good mood because my sweet friend Mary Jo with whom I went to Pharmacy school (she finished...I didn't) found me on Facebook. I haven't seen or spoken to her in, like, 9 years or something ridiculous. Way too long!!! I sent her the address for the blog, so, if you're reading this, "Hi Mary Jo!"

As for the adventures in baby making, I still haven't made up my mind. I finally started my period on Monday (on CD 45, I think), so that actually seems like a short cycle for me. I think I'm going to focus on losing weight for a few months and see if my cycles become more regular. That's the current plan, anyway.

I'll try to post again if anything exciting happens in my life, but lately it's just been crazy work stuff (like 60+ hours/week) draining my brain. I'll try to start making it around to everyone's blogs again soon. Love you guys!

Decisions, decisions

So - I bet you all thought I wasn't doing this whole blogging, keeping up with my cyber-friends, letting people know I'm still alive thing, huh? 


I guess I just haven't had much to say. I was, seriously, like 94.7% ready to throw in the towel: to be content with my perfect husband and beautiful daughter and just wait for grandkids. Or, hopefully, step-grandkids (Katie is, after all, only 14). But now I'm thinking I might get back on the old horse. I started my period 38 days ago, but I didn't call the IVF Hut like they told me to. I tested on Saturday because I was a whole week late. Doesn't that mean I'm pregnant? HAH! It might mean a girl with normally functioning ovaries is pregnant but - if anything - I think it's been established that my ovaries are straight up f'd up. 


So now I figure I'm going to have to call some sort of doctor person to get some progesterone just so I can have my period. I don't just want to leave my uterus to its own devices because it gets sad and lonely for a baby to grow and starts growing polyps instead. One thing I've decided is that I'm definitely done with George. I feel my options at this point are:

1. Call the IVF Hut and give it another go (what do I have to lose? My flexible spending account is just sitting there with $2K in it - what else am I going to spend it on? I don't need that many contact lenses)
2. Call a doctor my sister recommended (she is a physician recruiter for a nearby hospital). She got a PhD in molecular biology before getting her MD. I made my sister send me her CV to prove it. I am tired of doctors who insult my intelligence and say BS things. I want a genius doctor who is patient-focused and compassionate. That's not too much to ask, right?
3. Call George's brother - the other IVF show in town. Actually, there's a third IVF show in town - the guy who did Forest's vasectomy reversal - but he doesn't like what the insurance companies will pay him so he makes you pay up front and get reimbursed yourself afterwards (and you have to pay the non-insurance-discounted price). I don't think my $2K flexible spending account will cover that. The pro of this choice would be that I wouldn't have to talk to the IVF Hut people (whom I hate, in case I hadn't mentioned that).

Have I even explained why I'm calling them the IVF Hut? Probably not. I basically feel like they have 3 protocols that they fit everyone in to and they don't treat the IVF-ees like individuals. They don't deserve to be called reproductive endocrinologists.
They just gave me a '#1 with a side of ICSI' and didn't do anything to treat any underlying conditions that may be contributing to my anovulation (like, uhhhh, PCOS!?!?!?). If I go back there, they better at least give me fries this time.
I'm not sure these ramblings even make sense outside my head. You probably wish I hadn't bothered to blog at all with this drivel! Well, maybe I am coming out of hiding and this whole posting thing will be more regular. Or maybe I'll keep being a big non-posting jerk. Only time will tell.


Thank you guys for being there for me with the comments during my pity party. You all rock.