Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Sunday, March 8, 2009

A few days from normal

I've decided that all I want now is to have normal cycles.  I'm over the whole "getting pregnant" part of having normal cycles - I just want to ovulate in the middle - that's all I want.  I swear. 

This past Monday I had a major (in)fertility meltdown.  I had been rolling along, trying to keep a positive attitude about the sack of lemons life has handed me.  I've been trying to get to that elusive "acceptance" stage.  Perhaps, I've been trying to use reverse psychology on my ovaries and tell them "I don't even WANT a baby! I want to keep sleeping in on the weekends and use my disposable income to travel, buy cute outfits, and spoil Katie.  So piss off, ovaries!" 

But, a couple of weeks ago, on Valentine's Day weekend, no less, I felt like I was (Shhhhh! Don't tell my ovaries) OVULATING.  Like, for serious, right there on CD 14.  So - not wanting to jinx it or anything, I continued telling my ovaries that I don't even want to be pregnant.  Then, last week, I started to have PMS SYMPTOMS! Can you believe that?!?!?! Like a normal girl!  I thought that on Monday I was actually going to start a new cycle.  Just TWENTY-EIGHT DAYS after the last one!!!!  I was so excited to have tender breasts and a BITCH.ASS.ATTITUDE. because it meant I was normal!

Of course, all of this normal-cycle-hope did me no good.  Monday came and went with no visit from my eagerly anticipated Aunt Flo.  Suddenly all of the emotions I've been pushing down, burying behind happy smiles and self-deprecating (but light-hearted) comments spewed out of my eyes and onto my pillow as I sobbed hysterically while my OBLIVIOUS husband tried to go to sleep. Ce n'est pas bon.  I started one of those knock-down, drag-out fights with Perfect (Sleepy) Husband wherein I kept leaving to sleep on the couch, then coming back, being hysterical, crying inconsolably, saying all manner of things I didn't mean, and generally being a hormonal be-yotch.  I just kept saying (read: sobbing, blubbering), over and over, "I just want to be normal".  It wasn't pretty.  Nor were my big, puffy eyelids all day on Tuesday.  Poor, sad, infertile, defective Amy!

But, miracle of miracles, Wednesday night I started spotting!  Official CD1 was Thursday, meaning that this past cycle was 31 days long.  And that's just a few days from normal, right? 


Courtney said...

31 Days is "normal"! Sorry you had a rough one!

Alex and Jill said...

31 is very normal in my world. I read this and could relate to every single word. I used to go months without a period, up until a year or so ago. Now I'm every 28-30 days. I also have 'breakdowns' on a regular basis. :)

Don't lose hope, girl. You have so many that are praying that God will grant you the desires of your heart.


Anonymous said...

Hey Amy,
31 days is normal! Well done.
Hang in there!

Misty from wte said...

I will reiterate what has already been said...31 is normal! You are NOT matter what those MDs might be saying. Congrats on your 31 day cycle! Hope this month goes well for you!

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy, I like your idea of trying reverse psychology on your ovaries - i shall try it out on mine too :-)

Good luck with your next cycle (31 days sounds good to me).

Sarah said...

31 is still within "normal" range sweetie. Sorry you're having a tough time.


JamieD said...

31 days was normal for me! If it were ever anything less, it was usually because I didn't ovulate at all.

I am so sorry for your frustration and for you oblivious husband. I have one of those myself. :-)

The Pifer's said...

Love your blog true!!!!! I am praying for you and yours!!!!!

God Bless,

Tricia said...

31 days is very normal. Every persons body is different. 25 is normal for some and 31 is normal for some. The key is that you might have ovulated. On your own no less. This is some very good news. Forest will brush off the craziness. He is a good man no worries.

Tell me about sleeping in. I keep telling Alan..Why did I decide to do foster again? This lack of sleep is making me look old. I started using wrinkle and eye cream. DOH!