I should feel relieved, right? After the nightmare of last Sunday, I should be on top of the world, yes? And, of course I am...for the most part. I told Forest I felt like we were walking through the depths of Hell and got snatched out and I still can't catch my breath.
Thank you all for your comments and prayers and hugs. I hate that so many of us know what this terror is like.
I was basically incredulous when the peri told me on Monday that he wasn't convinced I was ruptured. I thought he was crazy. I told him there was A LOT of fluid and he said, "I believe you" but I don't think he did. My OB said maybe I peed and didn't realize it. Uh, NO - I'm quite certain I didn't. But the medical professionals seem content to leave the fluid an unsolved mystery. And I didn't have any more leaking in the hospital and the fluid levels around both babes continued to be stable all week.
And then they sent me home. And now I am terrified. The peri on Friday said that the hematoma puts me at increased risk for ruptured membranes down the road and my OB said that the part of Zoe's placenta in front of the bleed is now non-functioning and they'll have to monitor her for IUGR. Those two risks have me pretty much freaking out.
How does one relax in this situation? Or should I just get used to this state of sadness and anxiety that we're still 6 weeks and 4 days from the raw edge of viability?
As I attempt to think positively, I am picking out "Coming Home" outfits for the babies. It's so much easier to find adorable things for girls. Where do I find the boy equivalent to this sweet jumper?
I am just trying to focus on how much I love these precious ones and cherish every moment I have with them. Here's a shot of Egan from yesterday's scan. I think he looks like his daddy. Forest says it's the haircut ;)
Much love to you all!