Now, I aim to be nice to people - I do not intend to go around offending others, so I try to behave. But the truth is, I am often smug and judgmental in my head.
Before I learned some of the harder lessons my life has had to teach me so far (e.g., infertility, 2nd trimester miscarriage), I was soooooooooo smug. I counted myself among the most fertile fertiles ever. I thought I was awesome at baby-having because my labor with Katie was <4 hours and I recovered quickly. I nursed Katie (she also got formula when she was in the care of others because breast pumps in 1994 were crappy) for a long, long time. I was pretty smug about it too.
Before I had Katie, I didn't realize that there were people who didn't even attempt to breastfeed for whatever reason (keep in mind I was 17 - there was a lot I didn't know about the world). Upon learning this, I thought these people who preferred formula were ridiculous and selfish. I was smug because I felt like I could make a better decision about nourishing my baby at 17 than women who were twice my age. Katie has been a freakishly healthy child. She got strep throat in Kindergarten and a sinus infection followed by chicken pox in 7th grade and that is literally IT for her history of infectious diseases (other than occasional sniffles). I, of course, have always attributed this to the superpower of my breast milk and my generally awesome mothering.
I have always been similarly smug about my disdain for scheduled C-sections. Apparently, I chalked them all up to mothers and doctors choosing convenience over nature - a notion I have rolled my eyes at on more than one occasion. Until this morning.
When my OB brought up this topic, my first inclination was "vaginal, of course". Then she started talking about the complications of twin deliveries. She said that usually, once Baby A is delivered, Baby B turns head down and comes on out with no trouble. Or, even if Baby B is breech, they don't worry because Baby A just fit through the cervix, so it's no big deal. BUT - sometimes Baby B drops its cord because of the space left when Baby A is delivered and then we're in an emergency C-section situation.
This description nearly caused me to have a panic attack. I couldn't believe myself. I may have a higher opinion of my stoicism than what is supported by reality (a likely case, since I am, in general, smug) but I tend to think I can keep a level head and I was shocked by my reaction. I guess the thought of losing Baby B to cord prolapse after all of this was too much for my neurons to process. I told my OB that talking about it was making me anxious so she said, "Then we'll stop talking about it" and said that we don't need a decision today or even at the next appointment but it's something I should start
So now I suddenly realize that there can be actual reasons to schedule a C-section (I mean, who knew?) and I think it is what I'm leaning toward. I guess I am just getting my comeuppance all around, huh?