Blog? Who Me?

So, I've been neglecting my blog...AGAIN.  Who is surprised? No one, I am sure.


Things have been going....okay.  As well as can be expected, really.  When people ask Forest how we're doing he replies with a cheerful, "Great!" and I scowl and say "Speak for yourself.  I am 'okay', I am not 'great'."  I have days where I'm happy - I can laugh and joke and do fun things.  And I have days where I'm inconsolable for "no reason" - meaning, I can't point my finger at why I feel like running away and rolling up in a ball and crying - and I the only thing I can point to is that a part of me, of Forest, of US is missing.  Jack is gone and we will never know him on Earth.  And that's enough to make me roll up in a ball and cry for awhile.


In exciting news, Weight Watchers is going swimmingly.  I have lost 12.6 pounds, which is very neat.  I met my 5% goal and, when I was doing Weight Watchers last year, I said I'd get a pedicure when I got to 5% (which I didn't get to that time, but this time is different!).  I plan to get that pedicure next week and I just might post a pic (we'll see how cute they can make my grown-up-sized-baby-feet look with a bit of polish!).  It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier to do Weight Watchers with Forest.  He is doing great as well - he has lost 13.4 pounds.  He was shocked to find that he was at 238 lb when we joined - he thought he was about 215!  He wants to be at least 190 by the time his son (Forest IV) gets married in October.  I'm sure he will succeed - after all: he has a very supportive wife :)


In other exciting news, I started my period!!! All by myself!!!!  Just 37 days after the miscarriage.  I called the RE and got on the schedule for an FET in June (WOAH!).  I will start BCPs when I start my next period (which will *hopefully* be in just 3 weeks, if my ovaries decide to play nicely).  That's some progress, huh?


We will do a single embryo transfer because I don't want to chance multiples on my ridiculously incompetent cervix.  I have been doing a lot of research about IC and I was surprised to read that one factor that may indicate risk of IC is having a short labor.  I used to think that the fact that I was in labor with Katie for 3 hours and 47 minutes total (from contraction #1 to "It's a Girl!", and that included my contractions stopping altogether for an hour after they gave me the epidural I didn't want and they had to start pitocin to get them going again) meant that my body was super AWESOME at having babies.  I also thought that the fact that I got pregnant with Katie the only time I ever had unprotected sex meant I was all SUPER FERTILE and stuff, so - you know - I don't always draw accurate conclusions.  Because, in actuality, a <4 hour labor for a first time mom is pretty abnormal, and, actually, a risk for something horrible.  Who knew?


I have certainly learned a lot on this infertility journey.  I think I am better about being grateful for what I have and not taking things for granted.  I *hope* that I have stopped saying insensitive things around people with no thought for what kind of painful journeys they might be on.  For example, I know that I once bragged about being a "Fertile Myrtle" (GEEZ - I cannot tell you how much I hate that saying now!) in front of a co-worker who was going through her 3rd round of IVF in private.  I try very hard to be sensitive about things like that now.  Not just infertility, but anything.  You never know what struggles someone else is dealing with and how the uncaring things you say might sting their hearts.


Anyway, that's what's going on with me.  Thank you all so much for your kind comments, thoughts, and prayers.  I feel truly blessed to have you guys in my life (and, yes, I know that I could be a better friend by being a better blogger, and I WILL TRY).


Love,
Amy