A Difference of Opinion

So...


My RE has some different thoughts on the upcoming FET than moi.


I had a fluid ultrasound today to make sure that there are no "retained products of conception" in my humble uterus.  There were not, so I've got that going for me (which is nice).  For those of you playing at home, this marked the 12th cranking open of my cervix in the last 3 years. 


I did not think it would be a terribly big deal (emotionally) to go back to the RE's office.  I drove there just fine...pulled into the parking lot (nearly running over a fellow IF-er)...parked the car...walked up to the building...and then I saw the big heavy door.  I wasn't expecting the feeling of sadness I felt when I remembered how heavy the door is...how the lobby is decorated...which suite houses my hopes my dreams my RE.  I hadn't really thought about the office since we "graduated" in December after seeing Jack's beautiful heartbeat.  Coming back so soon with all those familiar thoughts and feelings of hope and worry and skepticism (and a wee bit of something close to anger that getting pregnant isn't "supposed to" happen like this) felt sad.  Suddenly my mood matched the gray sky and blustery winds.  It felt more like Fall than Spring today: more like I was settling in for a long, hard Winter than a lazy, blissful Summer.


Anyway...the doctor and all of the staff were very sweet, acknowledging our loss and asking how I was doing (ummm, do you really want to know how I'm doing? Didn't think so).


I had the ultrasound which went niftily (as I mentioned) and Dr. A asked me what happened with Jack.  I told him that I felt bulging membranes, went to the ER, and, while I was being checked in, my water broke. I went to L&D where they induced labor.


He asked if they did any testing.  I said "No" because he was growing perfectly and had no signs of any distress and there was nothing wrong with him.  He asked if they tested the placenta.  I said "No" because they just assumed it was an incompetent cervix.


He recommended thawing THREE of our frozen embryos and transferring all that may survive.  He asked me how I felt about that.


I said, "Well, if my cervix is incompetent, I was thinking it might be even riskier to try to carry multiples."  And this is where things got interesting...


He said:

1. He doubts it was really IC that caused the miscarriage.  He said that, in his experience, true IC is very rare and that more likely I was in preterm labor (with no pain) due to infection or a problem with the placenta, but we won't really know because they didn't examine it.
2. Even if it was IC the measures they take (i.e., cerclage and bedrest) are the same whether you're carrying 1, 2, or 3 babies.
3. Eight of our embryos made it to Day 5.  He said that, statistically, that represents "two babies" (I gather this is his way of saying that 1 in 4 embryos results in a genetically normal fetus).  So we just need to find the "other baby" in the remaining 6 embryos.  In other words, he feels that transferring THREE gives us the best odds that we will end up with ONE, and there's certainly no guarantee.

And, obviously, I know there is no guarantee.  But, wow, to hear it in those terms was...unexpected.

I said, "Okay. I trust you."  And I guess I do.