Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

6w0d: Wanding Eve

I have stolen this update from Preheated Oven...But No Bun in Sight, who is now 11 weeks! Those kind of double-digit weeks can't get here fast enough!  She, in turn, stole it from another blogger, so it can be a whole webring, if you want (did I just demonstrate how oooooooold I am, with a webring reference? Yeah? Well, whatevs).

How Far Along? 6 weeks, 0 days

How I'm Feeling Overall: Elated - until I remember what it feels like to fall from this point.  Then I try to temper my elation, but then I remember: POSITIVE THOUGHTS ONLY for our baby.  I have only been a teeny, tiny bit nauseous.  Maybe only infinitesimally slightly more so than with Jack.  I am pretty exhausted at the end of the day, but that's probably really not a new thing.

Maternity Clothes? Not just yet.  Although I do still have everything I bought when I was hoping to be ginormously pregnant with Jack, so I'll be pretty well set when I do get to that point. I am still down almost 20 pounds from Weight Watchers, so all of my clothes (even some of the new ones I bought) are still fitting nicely.  Thank GOODNESS I lost that weight. I felt so gross at 220+

Stretch Marks? No more than I started with.

Sleep? Favorite.Thing.Ever.  I have been counting the sleeps till Wanding Day (only one more to go!!!).  I still sleep every night with the tiny lamb blanket we had embroidered with Jack's name. 


Last night I had a breakdown before I went to sleep because I miss him so much.  When I went to the hospital when I felt the bulging membranes (where my water broke in the triage room), they couldn't find Jack's heartbeat with the doppler in the ER.  They were RETARDED.  I don't know if I will be able to post about that whole part in the ER for awhile, because it was pretty ghastly.  So they were going to bring in another nurse to try to find his heartbeat and I started sobbing and saying, "What difference does it make!?!?!?" I mean REALLY - did it matter!?!?!??!?!??! He was going to die soon enough if he wasn't dead already.  Those people were just over their heads in that situation.  Before I went to L&D they wanted me to get a ultrasound, just to get their bearings for the delivery, I guess.  I couldn't watch the ultrasound - it was too hard.  But Forest watched.  When I asked him if the baby was still alive he said, "I think so" and later said something about thinking he saw the heartbeat, but he wasn't sure.  So last night I asked him if he could see Jack moving around on the ultrasound and he said "yes" and I asked him if he looked like he was in distress and he WOULDN'T EFFING ANSWER ME and I was like, "JUST TELL ME" and he said that he couldn't tell if he was in distress or not.  Forest doesn't want to upset me and he doesn't want to tell me something that will make me sadder, but having him NOT SAY ANYTHING makes me CRAZY like I cannot explain.  So, anyway, just thinking about those horrible hours when I knew my baby was going to die, but I knew he wasn't dead yet, brought on the tears.

Best Moment of the Week? Hmmmmm. I guess just all the relaxing I did over the long weekend.  I didn't make one iota of progress on the remodeling we need to do, but I certainly read a lot of blogs!

Movement? No.

Food Cravings/Aversions? Not really, although gyros sound good Every.Single.Day.

Gender? Not yet, but we will be finding out at the earliest opportunity.

What I'm looking forward to? The wanding TOMORROW. At 2 pm CST. Dear goodness, I can't wait. I don't know how I'm going to get through the morning!

Weekly Wisdom: Stay positive. Not enjoying where you're at today won't make you feel any better if it all falls apart.

Milestones: Seeing the heartbeat (Oh how I hope, hope, hope that's tomorrow!)

Emotions? Maybe a little snippy. Maybe a little weepy. But mostly relieved and happy.


Well, I hope I have good news to report tomorrow! I think I'll go to bed so it gets here faster!

7 comments:

sarah said...

Can't freakin' WAIT!!

It'll be fantastic! :)

(Asshat nurses who don't think and just follow their routine make me CRAZY! Gah... *grumble*)

Courtney said...

Oooo I am SUPER excited to see the u/s pic of your new babies!

I don't even know what to say about your experience and loss of Jack... I can't imagine. My heart breaks for you.

Love ya! Can't wait to get on here tomorrow and see that pic!

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

Amy, I can't wait for your report following today's appt. I know everything will go perfectly!!

Amber*Renee said...

Today is the day!!!!! I cant wait to hear about it.

sarah said...

HAPPPY WANDING DAY!!

lis said...

can't wait for the update, and your babe was an early implanter, so you should see a h/b today, yay!
xoxo
lis

iraq4ll said...

HAPPPY WANDING DAY