8w2d: Ultrasound #3 - Now With Pictures

First of all, thank you so much for all of your comments and support. You guys are the awesomest!


We just got home from my 3rd ultrasound - the first one with my regular OB.  

The good news: both babies have great heartbeats.  Baby C1's is 158 and Baby C2's is 155.  Both sacs look great. They're very round - apparently a "banana shape" is a bad thing, and we don't have that. Baby C1 measured 8w0d and looked huge.


The not-as-good news: Baby C2 is even more behind now, measuring 7w2d.  Dr. S is not concerned. She said that they don't get concerned unless they measure more than a week apart. Baby C2 is just in a super awkward position, they say.  It's like she's at a 90 degree angle to Baby C1 and it seems like they're always looking at her from the end.


So, I'm still worried. Of course.


Next up: see an MFM. They are supposed to call me by Tuesday and set up an appointment.  If they don't schedule something for the week of August 2nd, I can go back to Dr. S for another ultrasound that week.


On my referral to the MFM, Dr. S wrote 4 risk factors:

1. IVF - twins
2. History of pre-ecclampsia at delivery
3. History of delivery at 16 weeks after premature rupture of membranes, possible incompetent cervix?
4. MTHFR - homozygous

So, we'll see how the MFM wants to handle all of that.  To cerclage or not to cerclage?  

Once again, time will tell. Ugh. Waiting. Not my strong suit!

Worry

I am worried about Baby C2.  I know it's dumb. I don't have any more reason to worry today than I did on Friday, but the doubt has creeped into my happy thoughts nonetheless.  I am trying to keep those "positive thoughts only" going strong, but, for some reason no apparent reason, today I don't feel so optimistic about little C2.

It may be because Katie has started telling people IRL that we're having twins. This makes me wish we'd waited to even tell her for a few more weeks until we could see how little C2 is doing.  Katie has actually been a huge proponent of waiting to tell people.  With Jack she chastised me for telling people so soon. But this time, most of the people IRL who know (16 at last count) she told.  I got an e-mail from the mom of one of her friends congratulating me and offering prayers. Of course the prayers are welcomed and very thoughtful, but I'm just not ready for the word to be spreading like this. 

All of the moms on her dance team are bound to know within short order and I don't feel comfortable with that. I think this is because they were all at the dance competition where we lost Jack. The next week, the Coach asked Katie what they could do/make for us and Katie told them that I love desserts (which is, uhhhh, true enough and all...). The Thursday after the miscarriage the girls were performing at a basketball game.  Forest had class that night, so I was there by myself and no one sat by me.  At one point I almost started crying in the bleachers (or, I probably actually did start crying in the bleachers, now that I think about it) and I felt like an outcast.  After the girls perform at halftime, the dance team moms generally make their way to the auditorium where the girls have all of their stuff.  There is generally picture taking and merriment. As I was walking out of the gym, one of the moms (who I had never actually talked to before) said (extremely bluntly), "I can't believe you're here tonight."  Uhhhh. Okay. Sorry. I guess I should have just sent my daughter to the game alone!?!?!? I don't even remember what I said in response. Probably something like, "Yeah. It's hard" or some crap. So I walk into the hallway and the girls all run toward me, placing bags of brownies, cupcakes, and various other snack items in front of me.  It was very thoughtful and sweet, but also pretty overwhelming and awkward. I felt like all of the moms and the coaches were watching me intently, waiting to see me cry.  That whole time period was very hard, obviously. I guess I just have some lingering weird feelings about the dance team moms. I can just imagine the ripple of gossip that went through when the girls learned (and then told their moms) I was expecting Jack (there really aren't very many expectant mothers of Sophomores in high school...at least not at Katie's school!), and then when I lost him. And now I'm imagining the ripple of gossip again. It just makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why - they are generally nice people (except that one tacky, blunt one). I guess I just picture this round of news ("Katie's mom is having twins!") and then imagining the horribleness of a theoretical next round ("One of Katie's mom's babies died") and it just makes me feel sick. If that does happen, I definitely hope they don't bake me anymore Festive Condolence Cupcakes and shower me in other Grief Snacks, because that was weird.

Oh well. Well wishes should only make me feel better, not worse.  I hate feeling this way. I just want to enjoy Baby C1 and Baby C2 every second they are with us.  That's what I need to focus on.

Is it Friday yet?

Wanding 2.0 - The Graduationing

We just got home from the ultrasound.  I'm 7w2d. 


Baby C1 was front and center with a great, strong heartbeat (132 bpm), looking all perfect, measuring 7w1d and generally showing off his awesomeness (yes, that's right, we've decided Baby C1 is a boy).


Baby C2 continued to make her mommy worry (we predict Baby C2 is a girl).  While her heartbeat is pretty much just as perfect as Baby C1's (at 129 bpm), she remained out of focus! And she measured 6w5d.  Dr. A said that if we didn't have Baby C1 sitting right there to compare her to, we would think Baby C2 looked great.  But it was pretty clear that Dr. A is concerned about C2, saying things like, "time will tell, of course" so I have to have a little bit of apprehension.  Right now it's at a low level, though.


I am now released from the RE and am off all restrictions.  Next up is my first appointment with the regular OB, Dr. S, next Friday (7/23).  Then I'll be getting a referral to an MFM specialist. I am looking forward to seeing the babies again next week. Hopefully Baby C2 will do something reassuring by then (like grow 3 extra days-worth or so). 


So, it's all good news (right?)! YAY!!!

Results of the Wanding (Sort Of)

We saw two sacs:

As you can see, there is clearly a sweet little baby in the left-hand sac.  It had a cute little heartbeat too.  The other sac would not come into focus.  He tried, but he said it was as far away as it could possibly be and he just couldn't see it clearly.  In one view we could tell there was definitely a yolk sac in there and he was pretty sure he saw a baby, but it was so out of focus there was no way to see a heartbeat or lack thereof.  He said the sac looks good - it is the same size as the the other sac and there is not really a reason to think there's not a baby, but it just wasn't aligned properly.


So, we are pretty sure there are two Baby C's in there, but we won't know for sure for 8 long days.  Next ultrasound is next Friday (7/16) at 2:10 pm.  Weekly ultrasounds are very, very nice...but I suck at waiting!!!!!


We are off to celebrate at a new (to us) pizzeria called Pi (clever, eh?). I am so, so happy. And I will be even happier once we know for sure next Friday (only 8 more sleeps!). Until then it's positive thoughts only for Baby C1 and Baby C2!

6w0d: Wanding Eve

I have stolen this update from Preheated Oven...But No Bun in Sight, who is now 11 weeks! Those kind of double-digit weeks can't get here fast enough!  She, in turn, stole it from another blogger, so it can be a whole webring, if you want (did I just demonstrate how oooooooold I am, with a webring reference? Yeah? Well, whatevs).

How Far Along? 6 weeks, 0 days

How I'm Feeling Overall: Elated - until I remember what it feels like to fall from this point.  Then I try to temper my elation, but then I remember: POSITIVE THOUGHTS ONLY for our baby.  I have only been a teeny, tiny bit nauseous.  Maybe only infinitesimally slightly more so than with Jack.  I am pretty exhausted at the end of the day, but that's probably really not a new thing.

Maternity Clothes? Not just yet.  Although I do still have everything I bought when I was hoping to be ginormously pregnant with Jack, so I'll be pretty well set when I do get to that point. I am still down almost 20 pounds from Weight Watchers, so all of my clothes (even some of the new ones I bought) are still fitting nicely.  Thank GOODNESS I lost that weight. I felt so gross at 220+

Stretch Marks? No more than I started with.

Sleep? Favorite.Thing.Ever.  I have been counting the sleeps till Wanding Day (only one more to go!!!).  I still sleep every night with the tiny lamb blanket we had embroidered with Jack's name. 


Last night I had a breakdown before I went to sleep because I miss him so much.  When I went to the hospital when I felt the bulging membranes (where my water broke in the triage room), they couldn't find Jack's heartbeat with the doppler in the ER.  They were RETARDED.  I don't know if I will be able to post about that whole part in the ER for awhile, because it was pretty ghastly.  So they were going to bring in another nurse to try to find his heartbeat and I started sobbing and saying, "What difference does it make!?!?!?" I mean REALLY - did it matter!?!?!??!?!??! He was going to die soon enough if he wasn't dead already.  Those people were just over their heads in that situation.  Before I went to L&D they wanted me to get a ultrasound, just to get their bearings for the delivery, I guess.  I couldn't watch the ultrasound - it was too hard.  But Forest watched.  When I asked him if the baby was still alive he said, "I think so" and later said something about thinking he saw the heartbeat, but he wasn't sure.  So last night I asked him if he could see Jack moving around on the ultrasound and he said "yes" and I asked him if he looked like he was in distress and he WOULDN'T EFFING ANSWER ME and I was like, "JUST TELL ME" and he said that he couldn't tell if he was in distress or not.  Forest doesn't want to upset me and he doesn't want to tell me something that will make me sadder, but having him NOT SAY ANYTHING makes me CRAZY like I cannot explain.  So, anyway, just thinking about those horrible hours when I knew my baby was going to die, but I knew he wasn't dead yet, brought on the tears.

Best Moment of the Week? Hmmmmm. I guess just all the relaxing I did over the long weekend.  I didn't make one iota of progress on the remodeling we need to do, but I certainly read a lot of blogs!

Movement? No.

Food Cravings/Aversions? Not really, although gyros sound good Every.Single.Day.

Gender? Not yet, but we will be finding out at the earliest opportunity.

What I'm looking forward to? The wanding TOMORROW. At 2 pm CST. Dear goodness, I can't wait. I don't know how I'm going to get through the morning!

Weekly Wisdom: Stay positive. Not enjoying where you're at today won't make you feel any better if it all falls apart.

Milestones: Seeing the heartbeat (Oh how I hope, hope, hope that's tomorrow!)

Emotions? Maybe a little snippy. Maybe a little weepy. But mostly relieved and happy.


Well, I hope I have good news to report tomorrow! I think I'll go to bed so it gets here faster!

For the Record

On Tuesday I called to make an appointment with my OB (Dr. S) - even though I haven't been released by the RE (Dr. A) yet, obviously - because she will be the one sending me to the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) specialist to monitor my cervix (among other things) and place a cerclage if necessary.  


The nurse making the appointment was just following their normal procedure - to see me at 8 weeks for a 1/2-hour appointment including an ultrasound to see the baby's heartbeat and then another 1/2-hour appointment 2 weeks later (I don't recall if I'd have bloodwork between those two appointments that we'd discuss at the 2nd one - I think that's the plan).  So I asked the nurse if she could just let Dr. S know that I am pregnant, because I just had a miscarriage at 16 weeks in February, this pregnancy is through IVF, and Dr. S had previously indicated that she'd want me to see an MFM, and I am just wondering if she'd like to do anything differently with me.  The nurse said she'd give Dr. S a note and call me back if anything would change.


On Thursday she called back and said that Dr. S would wait to refer me to the MFM until after she's seen me (still at 8 weeks, which is fine - I won't really be released from Dr. A until then anyway) and that she wanted me "to get my records from my first pregnancy, when I had that diagnosis."  Erm...that was a confusing statement.  I should have said, "what diagnosis?" because the conversation got more confusing from there.  I asked, "Do you mean from the hospital?" She said, "Just whatever doctor you were seeing for that pregnancy."  I was assuming (and still assume) that the "diagnosis" to which she was referring was incompetent cervix, so I said, "Well, my doctor was Dr. S - it was just in February" and she said "Oh. Let me look through here. Hmmm. She must mean your first pregnancy. Back in '94. Yeah. Yes. That's the one."


Okaaaaay.  I really don't see what anyone would expect to learn from my records from when I had Katie.  The only complication I had was preeclampsia at delivery (which Dr. S already knows about, and for which monitoring is pretty well-established).  Wouldn't the more relevant records be from the hospital where I delivered Jack?  I decided I'd request both, since I'm pretty sure that nurse was, to put it nicely, confused.


I still have to go by and sign a release for my records at my first OB's office, but I called the hospital in Springfield where Jack was delivered and faxed over a request on Thursday.  Yesterday I got the records in the mail (that was fast!).


So, it turns out, I definitely had an infection.  


I sort of knew this because I'd had an appointment with Dr. S on the Wednesday before that fateful Saturday.  The results of my bloodwork and urine culture I'd had done the week before had come back and she said that the urine culture was positive for "mixed vaginal and urethral flora".  She said that was weird because, usually if you have a urinary tract infection, the report will say something like "E. coli > 100,000/mL."  So, she seemed a little confused, but not very concerned. She gave me a prescription for 6 Macrobid (to take twice a day for 3 days), which I did not even have filled until THURSDAY.  I didn't even start taking them until FRIDAY morning.


When I was in the hospital, shortly before I was discharged, a new house OB had come in - different from the one who ordered my epidural, gave me pitocin, and evaluated me after I delivered Jack, which I did around 5 am, during an Ambien-induced slumber.  


After they had given me the epidural and pitocin and put on the contraction monitors, they said they would check on me and to call them if I felt anything different. They had offered Ambien previously, which I didn't think was necessary until I realized that I was just going to be lying there, waiting to deliver, by myself all night.  I requested the Ambien (my first experience with it) and it kicked in pretty quickly.  Apparently I asked Forest to "tell me a story".  I used to do this a long time ago, and the "story" I always wanted him to tell was his version of the night we met.  So he started telling the story and he said that I kept asking him to repeat "the sweet parts".  I don't have any recollection of this, but I think only part of my brain could hear the story and the other part was already asleep.  Forest said that only went on for 5 minutes or so and then I was completely out.  I woke up off and on throughout the night - I'd remember where I was and what was happening and then decide to go back to sleep rather than wallow in the situation, alone, in the dark.  But then around 5 am I woke up from a wave of anguish so overwhelming I can't describe it.  I burst into sobs which woke up Forest and we talked and cried for awhile.  He was adjusting my blankets for me and he noticed a lot of blood and "stuff".  He said, "I think it's happened" and called the nurse's station.  They came down and I had delivered Jack.  They told us we'd had a little boy, took him off to clean him up, and cleaned me up.  Forest held me the whole time.  I can't even imagine how I could have endured that without him.  Any of this, really.  He gives me strength and comfort I never knew was possible.


Anyway, I think the shift changed at 6 am so a new OB came in before we left.  He asked me if I had any questions.  Most of the questions I had were for God, and not for him, but I asked him "What would cause my cervix to just dilate all of a sudden on a Saturday afternoon?" Honestly, I can't even remember what he said - I know he ended up talking about what they do if you come in with bulging membranes that haven't ruptured yet.  Apparently they invert you, pretty much upside down, for months and months.  I asked him if it could have been an infection and he said that, if it were, I would've been in labor, which I wasn't.


So, this is what made me think that my body had just betrayed me - my cervix just randomly dilating and expelling my beautifully formed baby 24 weeks early. My RE disagrees.  Without seeing any records or hearing much at all of the story, Dr. A said that it was way more likely to be an issue with the placenta or an infection and that I was in labor, but just didn't feel it.


Well, my records confirm that I had an elevated white blood cell count (specifically neutrophils and monocytes).  So, I definitely had an infection somewhere.  The placenta had no pathology - the cord insertion was eccentric (which Dr. Google says means "in the center", which is where it's supposed to be) and there were no signs of infarct.


It was, as you might imagine, pretty emotional to go through the records and relive that horrible night.  But I am very glad I got them.  I don't know why I didn't request them sooner, actually. It helps to have an indication that there was a reason for what happened (if not, like, a cosmic reason, at least a medical one) and that it is something that can be monitored for to *hopefully* prevent another occurrence. 


So that was my Saturday.  Today we're going to go to Fair St. Louis to celebrate our Independence from those meddlesome Brits (ha ha).  We're going to see the air show, the B-52s and fireworks. If any cute pictures emerge from these festivities, I'll be sure to post them.


I hope you all have a great day :)